Life Transitions

“Genuine beginnings begin within us, even when they are brought to our attention by external opportunities”. William Bridges.

A client came to see me recently, experiencing difficulties with her marriage. She described her state as feeling distant from her husband, lack of love and passion in her marriage, and fatigue. After a chat, we slowly began to peel back the layers of her situation and discovered other factors which came to the surface.

During our sessions, my client began to consider that maybe it’s not only her marriage which is the problem. She began to understand that there were other things which had been bothering her.  She had been focusing on her husband as the cause of her unhappiness, but she came to realise that the best place to look for clarity was really within herself.

This is just one example of a “life transition”. Experiencing a life transition can cause confusion and pain, it is easier to blame others and situations we find ourselves in than looking at ourselves. However, self-awareness can help us find our identity, our passion and our purpose. 

Life transitions can manifest in other various ways, such as:

·      children growing up – dealing with the empty nest,

·      moving to a new area, immigration and the need to restart

·      losing someone - dealing with grief,

·      divorce - relationship break up

·      parents getting older – dealing with health issues

·      retirement and ones’ own health issues.

When we face change, it’s helpful to remember that change is a universal continual experience. Whether it is good or bad change, it can be challenging. However, just like the changes of the seasons, civilization’s growth and development, we human being are programmed for change throughout our lives. In 1980, William Bill PhD, a respected author on change, published Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes, to help individuals cope with the difficult, painful and sometimes confusing periods in their lives.

Transitions proposed that individuals experience change in three stages: first as an ending, followed by a period of confusion and distress, and then followed by a new beginning. He noted that because Western culture offers few rituals or rites of passage to mark the progress through these stages, people often try to skip from the loss and pain of an ending directly to a new beginning, marked by enthusiasm, hope and acceptance.

Instead, Bill advocated that people spend time in what he called “the neutral zone” as a way of making a psychological transition from an ending to a new beginning. The neutral zone is a threshold state that exists between the old life and the new; it stands apart from everyday life. Reaching it requires going deeply within oneself, using reflection to recognise one’s inner signals. It is allowing time for that period when something has clearly ended, and a new beginning has yet to emerge.

This is the time to try some of the following tips:

• Mindfulness - practising mindfulness through meditation and breathing exercises helps to be in the present moment, raise awareness and can reduce stress.

• Journaling - putting thoughts on paper can help one’s acceptance rather than judgement of experiences and reduce negative responses to stressors.

• Here are some reflective questions to ask yourself:

  How do I want to be in my life?

  What sort of a person do I want to be?

  What are my values?

  and what am I passionate about?

• Set up a routine - having a routine can help immensely in a time of change. The predictability of a routine can lower stress.

• Relaxing techniques - all creativity is good for our stress levels. Colouring in, painting and drawing, for example. Research also shows that music can reduce cortisol levels and affect your mind and body in a positive way.

• Yoga - combines exercises and meditation which can have a positive effect on your mind and body.

• Practise self-care - healthy diet, exercise, time for things that you love to do, and spending time with your favourite people is important for your wellbeing.

• Gratitude - taking the time each day to focus on the positive in your life, can help with a better mental health.

 At Mindsight Counselling I support people in their journey through life transitions and moving through the three stages of change: the ending, the neutral state and a new beginning.

Call me on 0412 396 644 or email for a chat, I am looking forward to hearing from you.

 References: https://wmbridges.com/about/william-bridges-bio/